The OrgyConian 1

The OrgyCon 18 Daily Slushletter Volume 19, Issue 0, Sunday, November 10, 1996

Gardner Dozois Irresistible to Females

The influence of the Editor Guest of Honor at this year's convention has been extensive. We have reports from a most reliable source of an incident occurring at this very hotel sight.

Tales of the adventures of the devilishly handsome editor in front of a Hugo Award podium in an aptly named ballroom inspired a young lady and her three gentlemen friends to attempt to duplicate the almost mythical event early this morning in the Klamath Room.

Obviously the animal magnetism of this GoH has made him irresistible to all the women in programming and all the female goats in Oregon .

The OryCon 19 Reg Line Chain Story

People, long lines of people with no fulfilling social function, shanghaied into a service for no discernable purpose, produced, under duress, this notable tome that follows. Clearly this work of slush was inspired by the exciting vision of the Editor GoH.

November 10, 1996

It was a dark and stormy century.

The evil that men do lives on after them, as you shall soon see.

I was working the late shift at liquor security desk when Mr. Bobby Dole called for his second enema.

I made a phone call for the guest liaison to take care of it (Hillary was pretty reliable about taking care of our guests.) Suddenly, the con chair burst into the office and said: "The line in the lobby is getting out of control! Too many people are waiting to see the

S&M demonstration on Rush Limbaugh! The prospect of the sight of his quivering flesh yielding under various implements of torture is just too much for some of them to bear! They're fainting and blocking the fire aisles! The fire marshal will be outraged at the oversized crowd, and the fact that he is suspended from the sprinkler system like a piñata.

His head slowly severing from his shoulders the carotid artery having been slit but a passing maid who having scoured too much green paint from the bathtubs lost what little sanity remained she was caught by security when continuing her rampage she encountered a volunteer door guard who asked to see her badge.

Since she had none and had forgotten to steal her victim, she was denied access and, perturbed, she grabbed him, bit out his throat and threw the corpse to the floor.

Con com, being very perturbed with this, decided it would be easier (and safer) to let him in. Con staff took the body to the back room for some fresh necrophiliac. All was good until...

Hospitality grabbed the body for the evening snack.

Naturally, after 8pm nobody made any bones (NOT SORRY!) about the stringy quality of the meat, con go-ers being non-picky. The vegetarians in attendance, though...

Had no trouble snacking on the brains knowing the prior owner to have been a walking vegetable anyway.

Then Heather asked, "How many of them can we make die?" "Many" responded Gardner, but we need a goat.

"We left one over the albino!" The man with the gray skin and one eye spoke up, " No you did not, I saw you, It was left in my empty eye socket you fool," he lifted up his patch, and plucked it out for all to see.

The fairies hid their head in shame.

For he had two eyes after all.

Then one sprightly youth from the back of the room dashed forward and

The line extended around the corner. He was shocked how could this many people be as crazy as...

to keep coming to this pit of insanity, this haven of Fanthorpe-esque verbiage?

The only answer, of course, was to throw oneself at the ground and miss. So they flew up above to get an overhead view. "Look! I can see from here what the problem is!..."

Created and Produced by OFSCI Board of Directors,
as per Andy Nesbitt. (c) 1996


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